Emoticons

I am emotional today and I am blaming, though half heartedly, Grey's Anatomy. I am not an emotional person. I do not cry. At least for real life. It scares me. But I let it out in movies, books, and shows. I cry for the fictional peeps, maybe to avoid personal problems, maybe because I'm a freak. So it goes... [yes, i've been reading a lot of Vonnegut lately]. Any who, I know when I have a little too much built up when the shows over, but I'm still trying to cry.

SO, I am going to follow the example of my melodrama, and say, "I have a problem." I am terrified of vulnerablity. There I said it, though to who, idk, but it has been said none the less. My sarcasm, my bluntness, my inward emotions.... all effects of my fear, and my addiction to control.

ANYWAYS, since, you know, those weren't awkward enough... I am changing the subject. Today I left work early because I was sick. Yes, I was legitimately sick, and simply eager to get out of there. I wasn't even sure I was going to be able to drive home. But, alas I did, and by the grace of God alone, managed to snag a parking spot right in front of my place. w00t. My illness drowsified me [yes, drowsified is a word... in the dictionary of Lauren. It means being in the state of extreme drowsiness..............duh.] anyways, it drowsified me enough to knock out spooning my pillow and possible comatose for a good amount of time. Then Emil came over, with starbucks and good conversation. Well, i don't know if you could exactly call it conversation. While we did indeed converse, she got about 1 sentence in edge wise, which managaed to spark an hour long tyrade on my part. Way to be a listener Lauren, tsk tsk. after that I finished Slaughterhouse Five and feeling particularly Vonneguty went to Borders with every intent on buying a few of his books. I got there though, and realized that they were all $14. eff that. so i opted to get ONE and order the rest online. In chosing the loucky $14 winner, I started reading A Man Without A Country and ended up reading the entire thing in the store [and subsequently ordering it later in the night]. My in store reading isn't too impressive though, after all the book can't be more that 200 pages, but I am sure I looked like a lunatic. See, Vonnegut makes me laugh. I mean laugh to the point of tears. I am pretty sure my cheeks hurt to high heaven from laughing, or smiling, trying to hold the laughter in. Need a face work out? read Vonnegut. The man was a GENIOUS. And while, I am NO humanitarian, and I don't agree with 90% of his beliefs, I can definately appreciate his genious. And even when he's making fun of my party, I can't help but laugh... it's brilliant. So yea, six Vonnegut books are on their way as I speak [well, I'm actually not speaking. ALTHOUGH, since this is the written word and words are a part of speech, then perhaps I AM speaking.... just silently. I mean silent speaking is possible... other wise what would be sign language?] one of which is the very one I read. I can't wait for round two.

Anyways, I am describing all of this, and rambling incessantly mainly because it is 6:17 in the morning, and while tired, I am too lazy to go to bed. The joys, and subsequent curse of having your laptop on the coffee table is that it can be a serious distraction when you're trying to leave the living room. c'est la vie.


gnite.










and Lin, I miss you today more that others. I miss you a lot.