You ever feel like you need to just get away? That's pretty much my dominant thought. It's just that everything here overwhelms me. Even though it is summer break, what I really need right now is a nice, relaxing, fun, break. A break from this house. A break from this family. A break from this TOWN. At the beginning of the summer, things actually looked hopeful. My mom and I were getting along a lot better than we have, my brothers seemed pretty cool with each other, and I was hanging out with Caity. But I was skeptical. After all, being here as fooled me more than once. And alas, just as I was getting comfortable, all the pleasantries began to crumble.
This house.... ugh. Its like no matter how well or how many times I clean it, the next day its worse than its ever been. I just... I hate this house.
And oh man, the home life. I mean, let me precursor this by saying that my family isn't always completely disfunctional. There are a lot of good times between us. But honestly, who rants about the good times these days. The problem is, when my mother gets stressed she likes to stress everyone out, by letting everything boil her blood. She becomes this walking time bomb, in which she tries to use her anger and threats to motivate me and my brothers. However, we were born of her, and therefore have quite a bit of stubborness in us. And I know, for me at least, that the last thing someone should do if they want me to do something is piss me off. Because all that does is make me all the more defiant and a hell of a lot meaner. [me, mean? shocking, I know.] And that's not to say that I am completely right in my reaction, but that's how it goes in my house none the less.
Aaaaaaand then. And this is good. My mother has decided to become this "righteous" woman of God. I mean, I'm all for that when it's not simply the regurgitation of the good little gossip women of our church, rather than things that she can back up with something other than, "well when the Holy Spirit speaks to me...." Yea has the Holy Spirit told you that maybe smoking isn't so good. And that whole walking time bomb tempermant, not such a good image. Instead, she doesn't feel she can have Harry Potter in her house. hahahhahaahhahahahahahahahahhahaha I mean this coming from the woman who watches MTV religiously, and who is the very person who helped me find my interest in Stephen King... when I was 10. Or how about this one I got today. She tells me that I can't be coming in at three in the morning any more. So I tell her wgere I was, and she knows I was with someone she very much trusts and all that. And her answer is that I am a grown woman, I don't need to tell her where I go, but if I'm going to be out that late, just stay out. So I say, well what is my curfew [of course there was quite a bit of attitude in that last word, seeing as I don't think I have ever had a curfew in my life.] And she says I don't have one, I am grown. So, confused, I ask what time I have to be in by. She answers the same, adding "if you're out 'late.'" So now I have an attitude because this is bullshit. "Don't come in at three, just stay out" but "you're grown, you don't need a curfew." I mean, honestly, if someone understands that logic, enlighten me.
Ughhhhh. I just don't understand her. And while I could go on and on and on, I won't. I'm just so frustrated with everything. This is what being here does to me, it drives me fucking insane.
Anyway, everyting hasn't been horrible. My love, miss LaTosha Crunk [fyi she's like the whitest girl you'll ever know] is in town for the summer, and we have been near inseperable. And I can thank her for my momentary freedom from this hell hole. She and I went with her friend Val to Riverside last night to see our friend Denny play at an acoustic show. And seriously, it was so nice to be out of this town, and just having a plain old good time. There were some really awesome musicians there, some not so good ones, and Denny was great. Then we went out to eat and laughed for hours. Then .:sigh:. back to hemet. Though, I will admit I did manage to have some fun, despite my location. We went and a bunch of us girls, and a guy, goofed off then played "loaded questions" until we were all about to pass out and left at two. Then in typical Lauren and Tosha fashion we sat in my driveway talking for an hour and stopping only because all of our laughing was making our bladders burst.
I honestly don't know what I would do with out Tosha here. I mean, I don't really have any one out here, and the one person I can usually rely on is pregnant, and practically on bedrest by her mother.
again, I repeat I need to get out of here. Lord, willing I will be down in a couple weeks for the two uber exciting Harry Potter releases, that is unless the "Holy Spirit" leads my mother to forbid me. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
oh, and another thing. I think its funny how for almost year I swore I liked someone more than anyone before, and maybe I did, and then I woke up one day and realized it was gone. no more. caput. It's a good thing though. I'm kinda over guys, but not in like the angsty ways most girls find themselves over the opposite sex, but simply because I am. I need to cool it, and live up the single life. All I had to do to come to this conclusion was look at all my past relationships. I don't think I have ever dated a guy I honestly liked. And it's not like I didn't know this going into all of this relationships, I did. But I went ahead anyways. And everytime I ended up looking like a bitch, or just plain hurt. And despite my eagerness to jump into those "relationships" I have run from every good man [or boy heh] that I have ever like. 10 points for the home team. I will admit though, this hiatus is rather nice. :]
